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We all know that feeling: the dread of being alone. We go to a party or out with friends and suddenly, we feel an emptiness inside of us. We worry that we're not interesting or likable enough to keep others around. We start to feel anxious and lonely.
It's normal to feel "not quite right" about being alone. After all, humans are social animals and we're programmed to need others to survive. But what happens when you find yourself alone more often than not? How do you learn to be happy and content when there's no one else around?
Not having any company or feeling disconnected emotionally from others can be scary. But what if there was a different way to look at solitude? What if it wasn't a bad thing after all?
Let's discuss some tips for how to be happy when you're by yourself and ways to deal with any anxiety that may come up.
Three Major Benefits of Alone Time
When it comes to being happy, there are a lot of misconceptions out there. We're often told that to be content, we need to have a partner, be surrounded by friends, or have a job that we love. But what if that's not the case? What if you can be perfectly happy without any of those things?
There are a lot of benefits to solitude. Here are three of the most important ones:
1. You can focus on your goals and what you want in life.
When you're constantly surrounded by others, it's easy to lose sight of your needs. Other people can be so vocal about their goals and plans that yours fade into the background. But alone time offers time and space to really reflect and focus. You can think about your long-term desires and strategize how to achieve them. A journal (paid link) is perfect for this.
Sit down and ask yourself these questions to get the ideas flowing:
- What activities fill me with the most joy?
- What does my ideal life look like?
- What is one thing about my current life I most want to change? What are steps to changing it?
Use solitude to explore your interests, try new things, and figure out your passions.
2. You develop self-confidence.
When you're constantly around others, doubt about yourself and your abilities can creep in. Maybe you don't speak up because you're worried about what others will think. Maybe you doubt your own talents and whether or not you're good enough. Or (which can happen more than you think!) maybe others invalidate you and don't really listen.
But when you're alone, you are your best company! You can enjoy your interests without other's criticism, and you can offer validation to yourself. You'll develop a better understanding of who you are. Over time, this can lead to increased self-confidence.
3. You learn how to be comfortable with yourself.
This is arguably the most important benefit of all. How can you be truly happy if you're not comfortable in your own company? How can you have a healthy relationship with others if you don't even like YOU?
Spending time alone may be difficult at first. We're so used to being around others that the idea of being by ourselves is scary. But it's important to push through that discomfort. Practice giving to yourself what you most crave from others—validation, love, attention—and you'll become more comfortable in solitude.
Tips for How to Be Happy Alone
If the idea of being by yourself still sounds intimidating, don't worry. Here are some tips to ease your way into it:
1. Set aside some "me time" every day, even if it's just for 10-15 minutes.
Use this time to do something calming, like reading, journaling, meditating (try headspace), or stretching.
2. Find activities you enjoy.
This could be anything from going to the movies or out to eat by yourself, to joining a club or sports team.
3. Make your alone time productive.
Use it to get ahead on work, tackle that project you've been procrastinating on, or do something creative like writing or painting. This can help reduce any feelings of guilt about taking time for yourself.
4. If you're single and really feeling the sting of loneliness, reach out to friends and family.
Sometimes, all we need is a friendly voice on the other end of the line. If you're feeling isolated, give someone you trust a call. Talking to others can help remind us that we're not alone in our experiences.
5. Get a pet.
Pets offer us companionship, love, and attention—all the things that humans do. They can help reduce stress and improve our mood. Besides helping with loneliness, pets can lower anxiety, too.
What About Anxiety? How to Deal with Anxiety When You're Alone
If you have anxiety, spending time alone can be even more daunting. But it's important to remember that everyone feels anxious at times. And there are ways to manage it.
1. Start small.
As with anything, it's best to ease into things gradually. If the thought of being by yourself for an extended period of time is too much, start with 10-15 minutes a day and work your way up.
2. Create (and stick to) a routine.
Routines can help provide a sense of structure and stability, which can be helpful when anxiety is present. When you know what to expect, it's easier to manage any anxiety that comes up.
3. Avoid any substance use.
This includes drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. While it may seem like they offer temporary relief, in the long run, they will only make things worse.
4. Use relaxation techniques.
Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and guided imagery are all great ways to calm anxiety. Aromatherapy is a great option. There are also many apps available that offer relaxation exercises (Headspace is a personal favorite).
5. Seek professional help if you're struggling.
If you're feeling really down and like you can't manage your loneliness, please reach out to a therapist or counselor. They can help you develop healthy coping mechanisms and work through any underlying issues.
Though it may be difficult at first, learning how to be happy alone is a vital life skill. You'll develop a better understanding of who you are and learn how to be comfortable in your own skin. This can lead to increased self-confidence and healthier relationships with others. With practice, spending time alone will become easier and more enjoyable.