There's so much in life that we can't control, but our own happiness isn't one of them. Being happy with who you are is essential for leading a fulfilling life. You need to love yourself before anyone else can love you properly. Sounds easy, right?
Well, it often takes time and practice, especially if you've been dealing with anxiety, stress, or struggling with self-worth most of your life. But it's so worth it to get to a place where you're more content and able to view yourself as someone who is worth it (because you are).
So, how can you be happy with yourself? Unlike what the popular memes suggest, it takes time and consistency to undo all the self-defeating patterns that collect over the years. The good news? Now is the best time to start.
Below are a few starting points.
1. Only compare yourself to yourself.
One of the quickest ways to become unhappy is to compare yourself to others. In the seas of social media posts, you can always find someone who is doing better than you or has what you want. That's just the way life is.
But guess what you don't see? The years it took that person to get where they are. Remember, social media is a facade most of the time, not reality. So, focus on your unique journey and don't compare your progress to anyone else's.
You are on your own path and you're exactly where you're supposed to be. Just keep moving forward one step at a time.
2. Take 5, then 60, then 24.
What in the world, right? Give me a minute and this will make sense.
When too much stress invades your body and your life, feeling happy will become an uphill battle. To keep your body closer to a state of calm where all those feel-good chemicals can activate requires regular moments of rest.
Every hour, take a five-minute rest. Walk around. Stretch. Turn away from your computer and stare at the wall. Whatever you do, just give your brain a moment away from work. Five minutes, every hour (set a reminder).
Next, once a day take 60 minutes of rest. You don't have to zone out for 60 minutes (unless that refreshes you!), but you need to do something that recharges your system. Read. Listen to calming music. Call a friend. Just try to stay away from things that are draining (social media, paying bills, etc.). You want to feel calm and refreshed after your hour of me-time.
Finally, once a week, take an entire day to relax and recover. Yes, you have permission to sleep ten hours or binge-watch a TV show all day. Remember, you're doing this for your body (which wasn't designed to handle the modern world), so no need to feel guilty.
3. Make a self-care kit.
When anxiety or stress hits, it's often because we're feeling out of control. To bring back a sense of control (and peace), create a self-care kit filled with items or quotes that make you feel good. Self-care kits are an effective way to deal with anxiety attacks (or recover after a panic attack).
For some, a self-care kit is a box of chocolates and a weighted blanket (paid link). For others, it might be face masks (paid link), scented candles, and a warm stuffed animal (paid link). Whatever brings you joy and comfort, put it in your kit.
Then, when you're feeling overwhelmed or down, take out your self-care kit and indulge in some much-needed TLC. Trust me, your future self will thank you.
4. Stay positive with positive people.
One of the best things you can do for your happiness is to surround yourself with positive people. These are the people who will see the best in you, even when you don't see it yourself.
As some saying goes (somewhere), you are the company you keep. Positive people will help you see the rainbow through the clouds when life gets tough. So, if you're feeling low, reach out to your positive friends and chat. The right friends will be more than happy to lift you up.
On the other hand, try to distance yourself from negative people as much as possible. These are the people who will make you feel worse about yourself by indulging in fears, worry, and doom-and-gloom attitudes. If someone is constantly putting you down or making you feel bad, it's time to distance yourself (or end the relationship altogether).
You deserve to be surrounded by people who make you feel good, not worse.
5. Give yourself a hobby.
One of the best ways to be happy with yourself and deal with anxiety simultaneously is to have a hobby. When you have something to look forward to outside of work, it makes the day-to-day grind a lot more bearable.
Not only that, hobbies give you a sense of accomplishment and pride. They also provide a conversation topic when you're feeling nervous or anxious.
If you don't have a hobby, don't panic. There are tons of hobbies out there, so there's sure to be one that interests you. From knitting to hiking to painting, there's something for everyone. And if you can't think of anything, ask a friend for suggestions.
6. Get those small dopamine boosts from small wins (NOT social media).
We all know that social media is bad for our mental health. But did you know that it can also make it harder to be happy with yourself?
That's because social media is designed to give us small dopamine boosts from likes, comments, and shares. While those small boosts might seem harmless, they're actually training our brains to seek out validation from others.
Over time, this can lead to feelings of low self-worth and insecurity. If you're working on filling your life with more joy and contentment, it's important to take a break from social media.
Instead, focus on getting small dopamine boosts from things like completing a task or reaching a goal. These are the things that will make you feel good about yourself—a sustainable good.
Struggling to set goals? Break down your goals into smaller, more manageable steps so you can celebrate each small win along the way.
7. Speak to yourself like you're the President.
This is a politics-free zone, so if you have problems with the President, just think about someone who you deem as super important. Someone who you would speak to with respect, admiration, and kindness. Then, treat yourself that way.
All too often, we say unkind words to ourselves in our heads. But guess what? We're actually the most important person in our life! We will be with ourselves until our very last breath and we're the reason we function. Your brain gets you through the day, helps to keep you alive, and helps you participate in things that bring joy. So why think such unkind internal thoughts?
It's time to start being your own best friend. Talk to yourself like you would the President (or whoever you deem as important) and see how that changes your outlook.
8. Choose to release past mistakes and stop dwelling.
We all make mistakes. It's part of being human. But dwelling on those mistakes is detrimental to our happiness.
When we dwell on our past, it prevents us from living in the present and enjoying life. It also makes us more likely to beat ourselves up and think negative thoughts, creating patterns in our brains that pay more attention to our failures instead of our wins.
Right now, in this moment, you officially have permission to release your past mistakes. Forgive yourself and turn toward the future.
It might seem hard at first, but self-forgiveness gets easier with time. And once you start forgiving yourself, you'll find that it's much easier to be happy with who you are.
We all make mistakes. The secret is to learn from them and move on.
9. Focus on strengths (i.e. celebrate those quirks).
We all have quirks and aspects of our personality that make us unique. While some people might see these as weaknesses, they're actually strengths.
For example, if you're shy, that means you're good at listening and observing. If you're a perfectionist, that means you're detail-oriented and thorough. And if you're sensitive, that means you're compassionate and empathetic.
Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, focus on your strengths. Celebrate those quirks that make you who you are.
Want to know your greatest strengths so you can use them to improve your life? Takes this free assessment from the VIA Institute on Character.
10. Move more.
Exercise is not only good for our physical health, but it's also good for our minds. Studies have shown that exercise can help to improve our mood and reduce anxiety.
It doesn't matter how you move—just do something that gets your body moving and your heart pumping. Go for a walk, run, bike, or even just pace around your living room (no one's watching).
The important thing is that you're moving and getting your body active. You don't need exhausting workout videos or a gym membership, you just need to move. Every day.
The importance of being happy with yourself can't be understated. If you're not happy (or at least content to some degree), it's time to make some changes. So, pick one of the above suggestions, try it out, then reflect on the outcome. With time and consistency, you'll find your life improving bit by bit. Before you know it, you'll be able to look back and feel grateful for how far you've come.